How to Ask for Casual Sex on the First Date

Jim Wade Author

First dates are exciting. You’re getting to know someone new, there is so much uncharted territory and it could be the beginning of something great. It’s hard not to go into a first date without getting giddy about the potential of what this date might bring. Many people go into a first date with the hopes that the person sitting across might be their forever. But what if that’s not what you really want? What if you really just want casual sex and that’s it? How do you navigate the first date and sex without them wanting much more? We want to help you ask for casual sex on the first date in a way that both partners will be happy. 


The ideal scenario is to set the expectation for casual sex before the first date. Presuming it’s too late for this and the date has already begun here is how you go about getting casual sex. 


Casually discuss what you’re looking for 

During your first date, your partner might be looking for something more serious. Try to make it clear from the start that this is not what you are looking for. Drop hints. Say something like, “I’ve been so busy lately that making the time for something serious has been hard” or “I’m really not in a place for anything serious right now”. This helps your date get the idea that keeping things casual is on your mind. 


Expect your partner to want something more

Most people go on a first date because they want something more to come of it. Don’t be surprised if your date wants nothing to do with you especially sex. If you’ve made it clear that’s all you want and they stick around any way you can be confident you’re on the same page. 


Ask how they feel about open relationships

Test the waters with your new date by having a conversation about open relationships or no strings attached relationships. You may find that they have been in one before or are open to one as well. People either want monogamy or they don’t. Having this talk will make it very clear quickly if this arrangement can work or not. 


Don’t ask at all

If you’ve spent the evening discussing what you’re looking for and making it clear you’re not looking for anything serious you don’t really need to discuss it more. Let the night take its course. If drinks lead to dinner and dinner leads to a doorstep and one thing leads to another let it. You don’t need to feel guilty at this point. You’ve stated your intentions at this point if casual sex happens it’s what they signed up for. 


Be blunt

We’re not saying say “I want sex and nothing else”. While that’s a bold move chances are you will be shut down. Try saying something along the lines of, “Look I think you’re a beautiful girl, I’d love to keep this going at my place if that’s what you want, I just want to remind you I want to keep things casual and open.” You can also try to say something like, “ You seem like a super busy, chill girl, I think we are both attracted to each other so why don’t we try no strings”. This way you’re letting her see the benefit in it for her as well.  


Keep the date simple

Planning an elaborate date that you’re just going to use to get casual sex sends the wrong message. Don’t do the flowers and a fancy restaurant if you don’t want a serious relationship. Instead, opt for drinks at a bar. By putting very little effort into the relationship your partner will get the hint you’re not trying to be a boyfriend. 


Have excuses ready

When you start having a conversation about casual sex she’s going to wonder why you don’t want something serious. By having excuses ready to go she might feel more forgiving for your situation. By saying you went through a rough break up or you’re super slammed with work she’s more likely to be understanding. It is reasonable to not want something serious but some people need a solid reason as to why. Have something lined up to avoid this awkward conversation. 


Make it seem like it what she wants

Swing to the conversation to make her think it was her idea all along. Ask her what she keeps busy with. Once she tells you, make it a point to harp on how she must be way too busy for a relationship. You might be surprised that many girls do want just a hookup buddy but society has made them feel like a hoe for wanting that. Remind her that there is nothing wrong with wanting a casual hookup. You’re both adults, busy, and want to be open to other people. This arrangement allows for all that and more. 

When it comes to asking for casual sex on the first date you’re kind of damned if you do and damned if you don’t. You’re going to look like an asshole if you say, “I just want casual sex” and if you’re going to do the whole date thing, have sex, and then want something casual you’ll look like a bigger dick. 

Setting up your expectations before the date is the best way to go about it. If that is not an option the next best thing is to have the conversation openly and clearly from the beginning of the date. Be ready to state your reasons why a serious relationship is not what you are looking for. With any luck, she will be on the same page. We hope these tips help you have the hard conversation of wanting to have casual sex when the expectation is much more. 

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